Faith to be clean

I may open up about myself a little more than I'd usually like, with conflicting feelings between hoping you don't understand, but then really hoping you do.

For quite a while now, as I study the scriptures and words of the Prophets, I subconsciously seek out answers to the same question that has been weighing on me for...what seems like my whole life.

How/when will I be free of all the evil desires/tendancies/weaknesses I have?

Sanctification. Purification. Atonement. '...washed in the blood of the lamb...', and more, jump out at me. Can I hope for it to come soon? In the next decade? This life? I get so impatient - I know, another one to add to the list.

Ether 12 is a good start.

vs 7. '...He showed not himself unto them until after they had faith in him...'

Christ hasn't appeared to me in person, BUT through His Spirit He has! I'm sure that counts.

I feel His spirit every day. I recognise His spirit prompting me to take a deep breath and not dwell on, say, what Brent may have innocently forgotten to do, despite my natural yearning to make him suffer for it! Or to whisper to myself, when I'm tired and done being a mother, 'Come what may, and love it!'. Which magically turns my thoughts to how grateful I am to have these sweet girls.

Sometimes I get thinking faith is a gift from God. Some have it, and some don't. Although that is true with some, for others of us, it's not all lost. We can 'choose' faith. Elder Richard C. Edgely gave a FABULOUS talk this past General Conference on this very topic.

'Yes, faith is a choice, and it must be sought after and developed. Thus, we are responsible for our own faith. We are also responsible for our lack of faith. The choice is yours.'

Go and read the rest!!!

http://www.new.lds.org/ (Faith - The Choice is Yours)

Now x-referencing to Alma 5:12, speaking of Alma, 'And according to his faith there was a mightly change wrought in his heart'.

So, all is not lost! I know I have faith in Christ, because I feel His Spirit. I know I can continue to work on my faith in him, because it is a 'choice'. And now I know that through this faith (in Him. In His Atonement. In His power to heal/cleanse/save) I CAN have a 'mightly change wrought in [my] heart'. There is hope!

Then I got to vs 19 in Ether 12.

Speaking of some faithful few who '...truly saw with their eyes the things which they had beheld with an eye of faith...'

That got me way excited! One day, we all will 'see' with our own eyes, all that we have hope and faith in. One day I'll 'see' for myself that His Atonement has purified me. One day I'll 'see' Him in all His glory. One day, everything that rings true in my heart, will ring true period. I'm so excited for that day!